And the winner is.........

You know those game shows like The Voice or Dancing with the Stars where they say "and the person going home is....." and then they wait for what seems like an eternity and the whole time you're thinking "ugh! This is unbearable for me. I'll bet it's so much worse for them!"

That's how I feel right now. 30 days from now I should be boarding a plan with a team of amazing people to leave the country for the very first time to go to a place I have dreamed about literally my entire life and I am worried that I may not make it there at all. I'm worried that I'll have to tell every one who has supported me to this point that I can't go this time because there weren't enough funds raised. Now, I believe that one of my gifts is the gift of faith. (ironically my ex pointed that out to me) I think that is part of what makes times like this so difficult. These times when I doubt, when I'm not sure if God will come through or if perhaps I was wrong about the calling He had for me. Perhaps it's the added stress of trying to pack up this house and move added in with the normal day to day stress of caring for my boys and getting things done at work that is causing me to doubt even this. This one thing I've planed for and dreamed of for as long as I can remember. What ever the reason, tonight I am praying for a faith like I've never had before. One that some how knows that when the announcer Finally tells us the outcome, I'll be on the plan with my team, headed to Uganda!